Legacy donor spotlight: Melanie’s story – Finding strength through grief

Losing a child is incredibly difficult. For some mothers who carry their babies in their hearts, rather than their arms, giving back to infants in need with the gift of their own donor milk can help with the grieving process. Melanie shares her journey of donating to the Rogers Hixon Ontario Human Milk Bank, finding strength through grief and leaving a legacy for her baby, Luke.

“I heard about milk donation when I first found out I was pregnant. I told myself that if I were able to produce enough milk for my baby and still have extra, I would absolutely donate. It seemed like an obvious choice, given that I would be helping families in need. When it was brought up to me after my son Luke had passed, I knew I wanted to try pumping for donation. If the circumstances were any different, I would have donated my milk anyway. When I heard about the Milk Bank, it all clicked.

“Considering this was my first pregnancy, I didn’t understand how much my body would change after giving birth. I really wasn’t thinking about milk production after Luke’s passing. When my midwife brought it up, I thought, if there is any way I could use the gift of my milk that my body is providing, then I would absolutely love to. It has definitely helped bridge the gap in the grieving process. There are times when it has been difficult. There have been many times when I have felt that I would rather be feeding my baby than pumping, but donating to the Milk Bank has helped me process my grief, and being able to help as many babies as I can is so fulfilling.

“When we were sorting through arrangements for Luke, our funeral director commented that it is easier for her to do her job, as hard as it is, because she knows she is helping someone and their family in their time of need. I thought of that, and how being able to pump and help babies in need, just like Luke, helps alleviate my pain and give more purpose to it. From this perspective, I think it is important for other bereaved parents to know that they are not alone, and that there are so many gifts from their pregnancy to give. I’m grateful that I can still share the gifts that motherhood has given me, and other babies get to benefit from it. That is something that has been very healing.

“My goal is to pump for three months; that is the goal I have set for myself. Life changes, so if my production slows down by three months, that is fine. If it is something I am able to continue, I will.

“Luke left me with a very wonderful ability — the ability to produce milk. It is a joy to be able to give something so important to those in need. I didn’t think I would be in this position, where I have more good days than bad and handle things well, because there is a purpose for me. I felt so good after my first donation. It was one of my first good days in a while.”

The Milk Bank welcomes donors who have experienced the loss of an infant. We are grateful to Melanie for the positive impact Luke’s life has had on hospitalized infants in Ontario. At the time of writing, Melanie had donated 15.9 litres of milk and was continuing to pump for her next donation. Thank you, Melanie, for donating in honour of baby Luke.